Herman Cain: Negrobot of the Year

Definition: ne·gro/bot/ …  nēgrō/ˌbät/ … negrobot

Unlike a typical robot, which is a machine resembling a human being and able to replicate certain human movements and functions, a negrobot is more a Frankenstein creation. Assembled from the dead body parts of faithful old negro retainers and the rusty remnants of lawn jockeys, negrobots are manufactured in the basement of the headquarters of the Neoconfederate Republican Tea Party from blueprints based on the notorious “Uncle Tom” model of the 19th century. The original version of the negrobot was the subject of a famous novel and several plays, but it is perhaps best described by the late “black” activist Malcolm X as follows:

In the 20th century the template for manufacturing negrobots was updated to take advantage of new technology and “Uncle Tom” was replaced by “Uncle Ruckus”. The first and most notorious example of this second generation of negrobots is Supreme Court Justice Thomass Clarence.

This updated model came fully equipped with an ugly “white” woman as part of the standard package. But with the reconfiguration of the Neoconfederate Republican Tea Party as the party of white male supremacy in the wake of the 2008 election of a colored president, a newer, more versatile version was deemed necessary. Thomass Clarence lacked the vocal processors needed to parrot the interests of white supremacy in the media. But even more noteworthy, a serious flaw was discovered that only came to light during the intense scrutiny of its confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee. After years of experimentation with selected cadavers to identify the correct proportion of brain to penis size the development team rolled out the third generation negrobot: Uncle Ruckus, CEO.

Well dressed, articulate, humorous, this most recent negrobot (affectionately dubbed “Coon Show”) comes equipped with a special stealth package: the “House Negro Pheromones Kit” (HNPK). The HNPK produces an aroma of pepperoni, artificial cheese, and tomato sauce that both confuses and seduces the typical rank and file Neoconfederate Tea Party voter. Recent tests on the campaign trail showed the unusual combination of dark chocolate and cheap synthetic pizza was devilishly irresistible. The party, thinking they had achieved a major breakthrough in negrobot technology, believed they were poised to take the country back (to the 19th century).

Upon word of its immediate success, rumors spread quickly that the Koch Brothers had placed an order for dozens of units to be put into operation nationwide before the next election. But the rumors ceased abruptly when it was discovered the new model had the same flaw as its predecessor with a slight variation. Instead of finding pubic hairs on coke cans, “Coon Show” has a tendency to turn a little “handsie” and grope at anything in reach when left alone in a restaurant or parking lot with a young, attractive, “white” woman. When confronted by questions from the press about this serious defect (due no doubt to the recycling of the same body parts over several manufacturing generations), “Coon Show” becomes enraged. Its sudden flash of anger causes the unit’s operating system to disconnect from its own brain stem and reactivate dormant sectors of the Thomass Clarence brain that had been shut down. The result is devastating. “Coon Show” mistakes each media appearance for a Senate confirmation hearing and responds to every question with the repeated phrase: “this is a hi-tech lynching” …”this is a hi-tech lynching” … “this is a hi-tech lynching”

No, “Coon Show,” this is not a lynching … this is a “press conference”.

This is a lynching:

And this …

And this …

When those words “hi-tech lynching” came out of your negrobot mouth Herman Cain you spit on the graves of our ancestors who were murdered by the same forces of the Neoconfederacy you stand shoulder to shoulder with in the Republican Tea Party today.

The men depicted above died in the struggle for human rights and freedom. And you, who never spent a moment of your life fighting for civil rights, have exploited their sacrifices of blood, sweat, and tears to run for president on the white supremacy ticket.

May their ghosts harangue, hector, and haunt your every moment until your zombified body parts are returned to their graves on the plantations from which they came.


4 thoughts on “Herman Cain: Negrobot of the Year

  1. Completely freaking awesome post! Is it okay for white people to say this about Cain yet? 😉 Honestly, women have a similar challenge. Some women are as hostile to women rights as any man could ever hope to be. And, it’s insidious because they can get away with expressing disdain for the rights that we have won and even their own gender in a way that a man couldn’t. It seems to me that Cain is analogous in this regard. Seriously, best post that I’ve read on Cain so far!

  2. Thanks for your feedback.

    Many women have been conditioned to hate themselves and their gender, it’s true. That’s why it doesn’t surprise me one bit to see the Stepford Wives of the Republican Party stand up in support of Cain. They’ve been abused so long they’ve become impervious to the pain.

    On another note, Cain was head of a lobbyist organization, the National Restaurant Association, when these incidents of harassment occurred. The role of such an organization is to serve as the pimps and procurers for politicians in exchange for favorable legislation. Cain was the head pimp, the pimpdaddy in charge. His behavior with his accusers is typical for that type of organization. Women in that culture are just commodities to be used and abused as needed. Fortunately, the chickens are coming home to roost with a vengeance.

  3. Fantastic – such a clever way of writing the mundaneness of what we call ‘kupapa’ here, our very own negrobots. I shall keep reading and hope to pick up some of that rhetorical flair. I’ve been around Maori in academia who cowtow their way to the top, play-up (usually in a sexual manner, which seems to be the pattern here) and then cry ‘racism’ when held accountable for their behaviour. Good lord, is nothing original these days? 😉 – E

  4. And PS love the use of images. Painful as they are to the eye and soul. As you know I’m a fan of using the power of the image to counter denial and minimisation.

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